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The Big Personality Struggles of the Boisterous Black Girl

Some people naturally stand out and that’s okay!

I am a very outspoken and outgoing young lady that is often penalized for those very characteristics. I have what they call a “big personality”. I’m a go-getter, plain and simple. I see it, I want to know how to get it, I work toward it, then it’s mine. Initially, I saw no problem with that. However, through high school and college, I had been fortunate enough to have met numerous people. I meshed well with some and felt unable to be myself with others. There have been times when I’ve felt as though I should filter myself and not do “too much” as opposed to expressing myself freely. By doing that, I realized that I made myself suffer by not being myself. I mean, I was told I was too smart to get guys’ attention. They told me that I seemed intimidating. I had too many goals. I was told that I took the lead too much and made it hard for others around me to lead. I was too outgoing. I’d even been told by some associates I had that they found my creativity and humor to be overpowering and hard to deal with all the time. -And I actually tried to make accommodations for those people. That was extremely short-lived because I quickly realized that my bonds with them weren’t genuine. Genuine friendships can only be built on authentic forms of emotions and expressions. Genuine friendships would only encourage positivity. Right now, I think all the close friendships that I’ve developed are very healthy and up-building. Nothing I say or do is ever “too much” for the people around me. Often times, people with colorful personalities and creative spirits are misunderstood. It’s like being the black swan amongst ducklings. You feel outlandish and absurd. You begin to question your own sanity and sensibility. Growing up, I never really saw limitations for myself. I saw someone run for class office when I was 12 years old. I wasn’t ‘popular’ or anything, but I said I was gonna do that too and run for class president when I was old enough. I did it! I was able to be Class President for my entire high school career. I heard a valedictorian speech when I was in elementary school at my older cousin’s graduation, I said I could do that one day. I did it! Looking back at little accomplishments like that, it never touched my mind that I couldn’t do these things or be these things. However, as I got older, I began meeting people that placed this doubt in my space and made remarks that made me feel like I was “too much”. I may have been too much for them, but I could never be too big for myself and my mission. I am posting this to tell anyone reading that if you have a colorful personality with a big mouth and even bigger dreams, keep it up! Nothing is wrong with you, Hunny Bun! You will not be for everyone and that is okay. That means you are a special flavor, an acquired taste that may be too complex for some people. -I’d take Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough over Plain Vanilla any day of the week. I was once told that a friend to all is a friend to none. If everyone likes you, then you aren’t seen as much of a threat to anyone. -And the people that see how uniquely beautiful your boldness is are the people that compliment you and aren’t intimidated by your shine. Those people belong in your life because they are so comfortable within themselves that they see you as an asset to their their space, their creativity. The little bit of advice that I will close with, I was fortunate enough to have a dear friend say to me:

Never blame yourself because someone doesn’t realize how great you are.

1 Response
  • Meka johnson
    January 15, 2018

    Love it, you make me so proud!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️ BE YOU AT ALL TIMES! Why fit in when you were meant to stand out- Dr. Seuss

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